So its Friday the 13th today, let’s see what travel catastrophes we have today.
As we stand at the bus stop waiting for our bus, numerous people are chuffing down on cigarettes some even infront of their children. An old local friend cycles by nods and has a look on their face to suggest that they had no reason to stop on their journey not even for red lights. A Primary school girl walks past with bright red hair, surely that’s not permitted under any form of religious dress and her roots are showing so its not new.
Our fancy chronograph watch tells us that we’ve actually been waiting for more than 5 minutes this bus stop hasn’t been blessed with a fancy digital tell you when your bus might come if the driver doesn’t stop to talk to bert type of countdown board.
The young gentleman next to me appears to have fallen asleep with his pen in his hand whilst doing his sudoku…..no wait he’s arisen at his stop and disembarked.
A notorious mother and daughter partnership got on, (the daughter is loyal to the mother, never seen without her) and apparently the daughter went shark diving, the mother had to inform the third party that it was only in a tank. Talk about taking the fun out of a story.
Next stop is our stop
We get to the station and are met by two TfL members of staff conversing about contracts and other people are on x contract and they say they have a better contract than us, but yet they can’t know what contract we’re on……… Either way mate your contract is more than adequate.
Ok, so peolple play with smartphones, tablet pcs, not so smartphones, read secondhand newpapers or kindles in fact since the dawn of the smartphone no one is really bringing out handheld games consoles back to the point in hand, this gentleman is playing with a calculator. Now he has no other documents out to suggest he’s doing work, and he’s not turning the calculator upside down to spell the words boobs and boobless and any other childish words that we may still giggle at despite our age.
Ok, so a lady looks disapprovingly at us, as if to say that we’ve inconvenienced her for choosing this seat 3.72 minutes before she even knew the seat next to us was free. Needless to say the person who sat on the other side of us, didn’t even register we existed just got tunnel vision saw an available seat and took it with both bum cheeks. ( Somehow putting taking it with open bum cheecks didn’t have the desired affect we were trying to reach )
Now the train has got a few more people on it, not enough to call it 3rd world overcrowded but enough that people have to stand.
THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: commuters who are officially obese JUST because they make clothes in the size you were 2 years ago it doesn’t mean you must buy them forcing everybody else to look at your stomach working overtime on that pre breakfast fry up actual continental breakfast and post breakfast muesli ( gotta be healthy somewhere )
The young lady to our right is reading a motivational book, turning your dreams into reality or some jazz like that either way as we turn to be nosey and av a frank butchers at what she’s reading we’re greeted instantly with this in bold capital letters dead centre on the right hand page, (67 if you really wanna know)
When you admit its behind you….you’re fre to move forward.
Only a few stops before its time for us to depart and the train doors are having problems……
A gentleman has been left to stand with a walking stick in hand because no one wants to donate a seat to him. TFFail would like to extend a big warm ‘Go suck a sour lemon’ to all of the selfish people who saw said gentleman n did nothing to address the situation.
Wonder if this woman knows the bezel on her watch is turnt in such a way that 45 is currently on the 6? Maybe she’s using it correctly and she knows the other time zone, or maybe she’s just lazy n can’t be asked to fix it.
We ponder is this our stop next……………..
Ohh and that motivational book is called ‘Make your dreams bigger than your memories’
Yup its our stop, now to kung fu kick our way out of this sardine can.
If you have the option,always follow somone else out, they’ll carve their way through n you just have to walk through the gaps they have created specifically for you. If they don’t then your best bet is to wish you were Chuck Norris.
6:30pm and our return journey has begun. We purposely missed the first train to maximise and utilise TfLs most gracious gift of free WiFi to organise what will go down tonight.
As we sit here on this train rocking left to right stood infront of us is a shocking sight, a woman reading a book…..ok that’s not the most shocking part, the shocking part is that its not 62 variants of the colour purple ( 50 shades of grey to those less informed )
I think we’ve come to the decision that this train ride home isn’t at all that busy and or chaotic as we once perceived, its a new route we have only taken for a week and by golly Miss Jolly its not bad, regularly greeted with a seat, always greeted with space, and so far never greeted with the smell of week old armpit and stale rye bread.
Wonder if for every commute we did be it work related or personal if we wrote about our travel experience coupled with our random thoughts like these, would it make a book worth buying? Would it be a big hit like Harry Plant-Potter and The Twilight Saga for over 50s plan… Let’s throw caution to the wind and attempt to do so, and with YOUR help WE can become multi squillionaires.
Alas, its been fun writing to you via the realms of this carriage, and one day we may let you know what stations it is we’re travelling to and from and what line it is we’re using and who knows we may even come clean n be all hey look at us, these are the people behind it.
Result upon exiting the station there is a bus just waiting to take us somewhere cleaner than a TfL seat. Hmm so a big meaty looking dog walks down the stairs of the bus. If we didn’t live in the capital of the country that would of been an odd scene.
There’s a young woman, with an old womans shopping trolley thingy and she’s dropped it more times and Gary Glitter dropped the soap when he was locked up. .
9pm, and we’re on the same train in the same direction as work and the female opposite is flabbergasted her phone is ringing, she has to show her mum this before she answers the call. Once she’s answered the call she appreciates that she’s on borrowed time and in all fairness the line shouldn’t even be working but still finds enough time after hurrying the maker of the phone call to give them the desired information to put them on loud speaker so that not just us but the young male to our right can hear this phenomenon. He didn’t seem that interested in it one iota. They’ve departed off of the train and are now probably with said person on the phone having a wonderful Friday night.
We now have a punk rocker who’s got on and is swigging what can only be described as a 500ml can of Eastern European alcoholic beverage. 4 seats to his left is another guy but this guy isn’t drinking booze, no no no, this guy feels the need to have his Medic Alert necklace on show like its a piece of gangster rappers blinged out jewellery. Funnily enough its far fron that, its on a piddly little chain and its as dull as Boris Johnson on Night Nurse.
Couple opposite are engulfed in their BlackBerrys hopefully writing #UndergroundThoughts, and now the same guy with the tricked out medallion is ecstaticly telling his friend how he was on BBCs young choir of something or the other.